sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
