He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
