i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
