I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
