He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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