Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
