It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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