that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
barbara walters just said penis...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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