this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
