I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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