Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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