Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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