U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
