her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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