and you said cock pushups were impossible
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize