you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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