there was a trapeze. enough said
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize