walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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