Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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