You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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