This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
