so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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