I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
