I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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