Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
