I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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