He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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