home. puking in laundry basket.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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