I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
