ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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