Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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