Having a random hookup so left but love u
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
