I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
