naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
