standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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