I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize