Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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