My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
