Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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