He had one of those small greek statue penises
I cut my penus on the lid.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
