never play flip cup with pint glasses
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
