it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
