The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
