Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
