Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
