Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
