So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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