I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
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I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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