Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize