i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
