Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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