why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
