My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
