great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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