Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
