i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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