the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
