do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
