she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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