He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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