There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
