yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So apparently I’m into choking now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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