So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
