Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
