the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
